Is chivalry all about intent?.
No – chivalry is all about how it is perceived and – for all intense and purpose – is dead. and why? Merriam-Webster defines chivalry as follows: (i) the system of values (such as loyalty and honor) that knights in the Middle Ages were expected to follow and (ii) an honorable and polite way of behaving especially toward women. definition (ii) describes a process of behaving differently due to one’s sex. and we are in a period of time where we are taught, told, reinforced, etc. that we are all the same irrespective of race or sex or preference or religion (in fact, i believe that we’ve swung too far and live in a system where live and let live is no longer good enough and some are trying to force others to not just recognize them but accept them). A system that reinforces differentiation cannot survive in this. and why? downside. while (let’s say) 90% of the female population may like “chivalry” or a “gentleman” – the 10% who do not will make it too risky to be a chivalrous gentleman. If someone wants to, they can interpret actions and subsequently defame you on all sorts of media. In the past, the only thing that could defame you in a way that would impact your ability to work was news media – and checks and balances to this was the courts where you could sue someone for defamation where success usually meant a retraction with $ to boot. Now the internet has enabled people to put up a website and declare you something bad and encourage others to join in mutual hatred. This website could impact your ability to get a job but you really don’t have the same recourse against a person as you would against a paper.
you must admit that we are in a time where that 10% on any any issue has a 2x, or 3x or 10x voice depending on the issue. Think of topics like equality, religion, politics, security. I rarely meet people who live in the extremes in any subtopic but when i watch the news, there is always someone who is being held back or in danger of being impacted by something. The reason is that our voyeurism, once tempered by the lack of technology, is now drinking from the firehose called “internet.”
Our appetite to watch train wrecks complimented by our ability to become numb to issues is powering the need to be shocking, grotesque, loud, provocative, scary and angry. Like drugs, our needs force media to adapt and become a little louder each time because once we’ve seen a crazy skier wiping out, we won’t be engrossed with the 2nd crazy skier wiping out BUT will be engrossed if they are in swim trunks on a mountain wearing a cape.
Anyway – back to topic – knights.
Over the last decade or so, i have become very aware of these risks – chivalry being one. when i am asked if i will be a gentleman or if i will be chivalrous in any way (open door, help carry something, etc.), i always IMMEDIATELY retort in some variation, “don’t understand your request, you don’t need me – you’re my equal” or “what, are you saying i am different from you due to my sex?” or “my muscles are different from yours?” I always get some kind of response but i believe that my point comes across, (1) there are always unintended consequences resulting from change even if the change is a wonderful one and (2) you can NEVER have your cake and eat it too!
edwarddpierce 